Rethinking “Unruly” Behavior: A Nervous-System View

What Is Polyvagal Theory?

Tineke describes Polyvagal Theory as a bridge between the nervous system, bodily signals, and behavior. It can help adults understand the connection between physical experiences and emotional states.

Children may experience anxiety alongside stomach problems, stiff movements, or unusual postures. Rather than viewing these symptoms separately, a polyvagal lens considers how the body and mind are responding together.

The autonomic nervous system reacts to cues of safety or danger. In a classroom, one child’s agitation can also affect other students. A child who is overwhelmed may be communicating, “I am not feeling okay right now. I need something.”

That reaction may look like:

• Agitation or anger
• Anxiety
• Withdrawal or shutdown
• Difficulty speaking
• Problems concentrating
• Stiff or unusual movements
• Trouble responding to instructions
• Sudden behavioral escalation

Understanding these responses can help teachers respond to the need beneath the behavior instead of focusing only on compliance.

Behavior Can Be a Message

A child who becomes agitated may not be trying to disrupt the class. The agitation may signal that something is moving too quickly, the child feels misunderstood, or the nervous system needs a pause.

Tineke explains that agitation can sometimes reflect a need to stop and cool down before continuing. Other children may respond by becoming anxious, agitated, or quiet. Shutdown responses are particularly easy to overlook because they may appear less disruptive.

This creates a challenge for teachers, who may need to respond to several nervous-system states at once. A polyvagal framework gives teachers a straightforward way to notice that different children may be reacting differently to the same classroom situation.

The Teacher’s Nervous System Matters

A teacher’s response can influence whether a difficult moment escalates or settles. When a teacher becomes increasingly irritated, strict, or focused on authority and obedience, the child may feel even less safe.

Tineke emphasizes the importance of a teacher maintaining as much internal calm as possible. This does not mean that teachers must be perfectly calm or ignore challenging behavior. It means staying present enough to recognize what is happening and respond without adding further threat.

According to Tineke, teachers who understand nervous-system responses may be better able to help children calm down enough to think again.

A Traffic-Light Tool for Emotional Regulation

One practical strategy discussed in the interview uses a traffic-light system:

• Green represents a regulated state.
• Orange represents rising activation or agitation.
• Red represents an overwhelmed or shutdown state.

Tineke describes working with a nine-year-old autistic boy who had already struggled in three schools. He had experienced repeated agitation, low self-esteem, and a growing belief that school would not work for him.

At his new school, he was gradually introduced to the environment. The teacher learned about the polyvagal system in simple terms, and the boy received green, orange, and red wooden blocks on his desk. He could choose a block to show how he was feeling without speaking or disrupting the other children.

This gave him a way to communicate his internal state before his distress became overwhelming. Over time, he became more aware of his behavior and began to understand himself, his teacher, and his classmates. Tineke says his learning capability then increased.

The value of the system was not the colors themselves. The important part was that the child had a clear, nonverbal way to communicate and participate in managing his own experience.

Safety Supports Learning and Neuroplasticity

When a person senses danger, the body can shift into survival mode. In that state, attention and language may become harder to access. Mina Roustayi explains that hypervigilance can interfere with concentration, word retrieval, responding, and the ability to use language.

Repeated experiences of safety can support new patterns. Mina Roustayi connects this process with neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to strengthen new ways of thinking and behaving through repetition.

A child who repeatedly experiences being seen, trusted, and supported may gradually develop a safer way of participating. The goal is not to force a child to behave normally under pressure. It is to create conditions in which the child can access learning and communication more easily.

Why Choice Can Reduce Tension

Tineke places strong emphasis on offering choices. During a first appointment, she may give parents choices about where to sit, what to drink, or which subject to discuss first. This communicates that their preferences matter.

She also gives children time to remain close to their parents before inviting them to explore the room. The child may communicate through words, movement, or other forms of expression. The message is clear: what the child says or shows is important.

In classrooms, choices can help children feel less powerless. A child might be offered choices about how to begin a task, where to work, or how to communicate a need. The purpose is not to remove all expectations. It is to make participation feel possible.

Connecting Behavior to the Body

Sensory motor work combines what a person feels, sees, and touches with how those experiences affect movement. Tineke uses body awareness to help children identify where emotions appear physically.

For example, she may ask a child where anger is felt. One child might say the heart or belly. Another might identify the legs and demonstrate a particular movement.

This information can give parents and teachers an early signal that tension is increasing. Instead of waiting for an outburst, an adult can ask about the child’s legs, hands, belly, or other physical sensations. The body may reveal that the child is moving toward a tantrum before the child has the words to explain it.

For children with limited speech, physical signals can provide an important communication pathway.

Creating a Safe Person or Safe Place

Children and adults may need access to a safe person or a safe place when their nervous system becomes overwhelmed. Tineke describes this as a way of moving toward safety rather than simply trying to escape pain.

Mina Roustayi shares that students she works with may initially stay close to her because she serves as a safe base. Over time, they begin moving away and participating more independently while she remains available in the room.

A safe base does not necessarily create dependence. In Mina Roustayi’s experience, once children absorb the message that they are trusted, seen, believed, and included, they can become more confident in participating with others.

Speech Difficulties Require Careful Interpretation

Children who do not speak or who struggle to respond are often misunderstood. Their silence may be interpreted as disrespect, noncompliance, or low intelligence. That interpretation can lead to punishment, increasing anxiety and making communication even harder.

Tineke recommends first considering whether a speech difficulty is structural or adaptive. Structural concerns may involve a medical or developmental issue and should be evaluated by the appropriate specialist. If the difficulty appears adaptive, there may be a reason the child is unable or unwilling to speak in that moment.

One example involved a child who had survived a house fire, experienced severe physical damage, and became highly distressed. Verbal communication was no longer possible. Staff introduced hand signing and simple materials to communicate daily events. When another communication method became available, his behavior improved dramatically.

The lesson from this example is not to assume that a child has nothing to express. A child may need a different route for expression.

Trauma Can Affect the Voice and Body

Tineke also describes working with an adult woman whose trauma made speaking difficult at certain moments. Her throat and body became highly tense, and she experienced panic when she could not express what was happening internally.

The first step was creating a steady, safe environment. Tineke communicated where she would sit, that she would remain present, and that there was enough time for the woman’s reactions.

Through sensory motor work, attention was gradually brought to areas of tension in the body. When the woman noticed an impulse in her feet and legs, she identified a desire to kick. Working with that physical response helped release tension in her throat, allowing her to shout and eventually speak words that had remained unexpressed.

This example illustrates why forcing speech may not help when the body is overwhelmed. Reducing tension and increasing safety may need to come first.

Supporting Children With Limited Language

Tineke mentions the Safe and Sound Protocol as another possible support, particularly for children who do not have much language. She describes it as a passive way of helping some children relax.

She also emphasizes the importance of creativity. Communication may involve hand signs, objects, gestures, movement, facial expression, or changes in posture. The adult’s role is to notice these signals and treat them as meaningful rather than dismissing them.

A More Human Approach to Diagnosis and Behavior

Tineke acknowledges that psychiatric training can create a restricted view of a person when professionals focus only on what is wrong. She argues for adding embodied, human knowledge to clinical understanding.

Mina Roustayi describes this as developing a kind of language for the body, including what she calls “polyvagalese,” a language of ease, communication, and connection.

This approach shifts the focus from judgment to understanding. Instead of asking only, “What is wrong with this child?” adults can also ask:

• What might the child’s body be communicating?
• Does the child feel safe enough to learn?
• Is the behavior protective or adaptive?
• What choices can be offered?
• Is there another way for the child to communicate?
• What would help the child return to connection?

Parents and Teachers as Anchors

The interview closes with a message for parents and teachers: caring for their own bodies matters. Tineke recognizes how difficult it can be to remain patient when adults are tired and children need a great deal of attention.

Being a steady presence does not require perfection. It involves becoming as equanimous as possible and providing a place where children can settle. When adults can serve as an anchor, children may need fewer explanations and may be able to calm through connection.

In the language used by Mina Roustayi and Tineke, this means moving toward being balanced, connected, and at ease rather than remaining in defense.